Mon Kee-ow
So someone said this word to me several times. Eventually I remembered it long enough to ask a Thai friend (who knows English) what it means. She says it is what you say when you see a fat person who is cute and that makes you desperately want to squeeze their fat. And then the person explaining it to me squeezed the fat on my arm. I never thought I would have such a good excuse to lose weight.
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
Tuesday, August 7, 2012
Oil massage. You essentially get naked for it. Maybe my most disgusting blog entry. You have been warned. (No pictures. Sorry.)
There are some days when something happens disturbs me. That was today, but for a different reason than anything in this blog post. The Thai style oil massage is hereby classified "interesting."
Oil Massage.
Today I had my first Thai Oil Massage. I don't know if I did it right but the basics are this:
(Massage portion of process takes about two hours)
1) drink tea
2) shower
3) put on special massage clothes. That is to say put on see-through pantyhose material underwear.
4) lie down on massage table and wait for old lady (at LEAST as old as my mother (which is to say around 30 :-P, you're welcome Mom) )
5) hot mint-scented oil massage, every inch of your body except head and groin. Back, then legs, then arms, then chest and stomach.
6) she asks you if you want a hand-job in Thai (in my case this always seems to be combined with a physical tap on my genitals) (I always say no :-P)
7) she said no but she does it anyway. (kidding. Yes I have a sick sense of humor.)
8) head massage (no oil as far as I can tell)
9) shower
10) drink different tea
11) pay 500 baht ($15) +tip (I seem to be the only person that tips, ever, in this entire city.
I got in for my massage very late. The place closes at midnight and I got there at about 10:30pm. So thus when I was finished the place was closed.
Between step 9 and 10: When I had gotten out of the shower the old lady was changing the linens (I did try to cover myself, but it's not like there was anything she hadn't seen already). As I was getting dressed she was trying to tell me something in Thai. Eventually I understood the words "go home." And then I understood the words "two people" while she pointed to me and her. I think you understand what's going on already, but I am an idiot so I thought she was saying that we were the only two people in the whole place and it was urgent that I go home so that she can go home too. When I got out to where I pay, I realized that my first interpretation is not the case. The two receptionists (why they need two in Thailand I will never know) were there and received my payment.
So I'll just come right out and say it. I think this lady, at LEAST as old as my mother, was asking that we go home together...
So since I won't be making any old ladies horny (hopefully) when I wear the Thai non-oil massage garb (actual pants and shirt) and since it's cheaper and more relaxing/effective, I think I will be sticking to the REGULAR Thai massage from now on.
Oil Massage.
Today I had my first Thai Oil Massage. I don't know if I did it right but the basics are this:
(Massage portion of process takes about two hours)
1) drink tea
2) shower
3) put on special massage clothes. That is to say put on see-through pantyhose material underwear.
4) lie down on massage table and wait for old lady (at LEAST as old as my mother (which is to say around 30 :-P, you're welcome Mom) )
5) hot mint-scented oil massage, every inch of your body except head and groin. Back, then legs, then arms, then chest and stomach.
6) she asks you if you want a hand-job in Thai (in my case this always seems to be combined with a physical tap on my genitals) (I always say no :-P)
7) she said no but she does it anyway. (kidding. Yes I have a sick sense of humor.)
8) head massage (no oil as far as I can tell)
9) shower
10) drink different tea
11) pay 500 baht ($15) +tip (I seem to be the only person that tips, ever, in this entire city.
I got in for my massage very late. The place closes at midnight and I got there at about 10:30pm. So thus when I was finished the place was closed.
Between step 9 and 10: When I had gotten out of the shower the old lady was changing the linens (I did try to cover myself, but it's not like there was anything she hadn't seen already). As I was getting dressed she was trying to tell me something in Thai. Eventually I understood the words "go home." And then I understood the words "two people" while she pointed to me and her. I think you understand what's going on already, but I am an idiot so I thought she was saying that we were the only two people in the whole place and it was urgent that I go home so that she can go home too. When I got out to where I pay, I realized that my first interpretation is not the case. The two receptionists (why they need two in Thailand I will never know) were there and received my payment.
So I'll just come right out and say it. I think this lady, at LEAST as old as my mother, was asking that we go home together...
So since I won't be making any old ladies horny (hopefully) when I wear the Thai non-oil massage garb (actual pants and shirt) and since it's cheaper and more relaxing/effective, I think I will be sticking to the REGULAR Thai massage from now on.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)